From postpartum to a pandemic, I’m learning how to rest in the midst of LIFE happening. I’ve found myself time and time again feeling like I was at capacity. The benefit of this type of “tired” is it leaves little room for fears and insecurity. The “at capacity” sort of tired, has checked the people-pleaser in me several times. I tend to want everyone to be pleased with me, but I just do have the bandwidth to rest in that trap. On a physical level, I’ve struggled to manage the most basic of things. Both psychological and physiological changes have been in motion. I found myself involuntarily transitioning from permed to natural hair and ultimately chopping off all of my permed hair. I’ve done the big chop once before when I was in my early twenties, but this go round was much different. This time was from a place of desperation to regain some sort of control over my hair and my life. My concepts of beauty, health and “okayness” have been just as fluid as stability in our society. I needed to regain control. In order to do that, sometimes you have to strip away the excess and return to the base.
As I reconcile with my roots, I am forced to also wrestle with self-acceptance, societal constructs, and the perceived opinions of others. I am challenged to submit them all to God and His truths about me and life. When I’m quiet and still enough I see God’s beauty in me and wonder why I allow myself to tribulate time and time again about the physical transitions I’ve been going through.
Even outside of a pandemic, life has always seemed paradoxical to me. So it was no surprise to me when I felt a prompting both to produce and rest over these last several months. Many times, I’ve found myself struggling to reconcile the pressure to produce with the need for a pause. As I attempt to maintain effectiveness on all fronts, things go missing and slacking at times. Getting into God’s rhythm is taking intentionality, help and constant maintenance.
Thank God for GRACE, HELP, ACCEPTANCE, AND RELEASE.
I’ve decide to share some of my current takeaways from this season of life. They are in no particular order. They are just things that have been on my mind as I reflect on and ponder life as we know it.
People are generally GOOD. Assume the best and give grace and mercy. Everyone is dealing with some sort of challenge. We all have things we’re contending with.
Take time with God- whether it’s quiet, “quiet time” or loud “quiet time” (while life is happening all around you). *Shaunti Feldhahn, “Find Peace: A 40-Day Devotional Journey for Moms”
I’m okay and I am enough.
Everything will be okay…BECAUSE God is with me. He loves me. He’s trustworthy. He’s working things together for ultimate good.
Trust God’s heart and sovereignty, especially when you don’t understand the “why’s” of life.
Sometimes you just have to let go…of everything…and go to sleep. You’ll have what you need for next steps in the morning….or after the nap.
Be Present. Dream, but don’t get ahead of yourself. Acknowledge and reconcile things of the past, but don’t get stuck there. Be present. Hear the rain. Hear the entire conversation without zoning out. Eat at the dinner table. Drive without music, media, or conversation. Take your lunchbreak to actually have lunch. Play with your child(ren). Sit in bed and watch tv with your spouse.
Nothing in your life will be wasted.
Embrace INCREMENTAL change. It’s not always about big wins, miracles, or leaps. Sometimes it’s about steps, increments., perseverance and relentless hope.
