Most days I feel like a paradox within- filled with so much promise, potential, power…filled with so many hopes, ideas, talents…filled with so much love, goodness, and genuine care for others…And yet, insecurities, people pleasing, and various forms of fear seem to be so seeped into my being that when promise arises so do threats. When potential is recognizable so is the risk of failure. When power wells within, insecurities seem to race to be the ones that show up on the surface. When hopes and dreams arise, doubt, fear, and past disappointments run to join them. When my gifts or talents are acknowledged, knowledge of or reminders of my weaknesses are never far away.
Nevertheless, I have hope: hope that the good in me and at work on my behalf will swallow up any and everything that tries to impede growth, authenticity, love, and the fulfillment of God’s purpose for my life. I don’t always feel confident; nevertheless, I have settled within myself to go on anyway. I’ve settled within myself that I am enough- more than enough- and that I am GOOD. WORTHY OF LOVE. A VESSEL OF LOVE TO OTHERS, and CREATED WITH A PURPOSE THAT I WILL FULFILL.
Those beliefs ground me.
They enable me to push pass my mistakes, insecurities, and doubts. They move me forward into the fruition of visions and dreams and the manifestation of purpose. They move me through and over any and everything that would hold me down or back. They are the reminders that what is in me is bigger than me- the fulfillment of purpose is not just for me. It’s for God’s glory. It’s for those I’m called to touch, help, and encourage. It’s for the betterment of my family and the generations that come after me. And yes, it is for my good too.
Therefore, I work through the paradoxes. I acknowledge them. I neither deny nor hide from them. I use them to connect with others as well as to demonstrate that God can take the life of a fallible human with willing hands and heart and accomplish great things.
